Sarcasm and Seers
by fashiondivac
Summary: Selena Snape, daughter of Severus, must unite with her friends to defy a trance. Meanwhile, Severus and Sirius are to find the last wizarding royalty, Catnessa. Note- in later chapters there will be Maximum Ride. AU.
1. The Snapes House

Selena Snape couldn't sleep. When her father, Severus, got up, she did too. Tomorrow would be her first day at Hogwarts.

"What brings you up this early? It's 4:30!" Severus said. "Don't tell me-excited to see your dad work his magic in the coolest class ever?"

Selena chuckled. Her dad had a sense of humor, however well he hid it. "Partly. Are you _sure_ we have everything?" At this her father gave her his customary glare. She sighed. While she went back to bed, he continued to get ready.

She awoke two hours later to her dad in his favorite suit with one small difference. He was holding a bouquet of lilies. "Is this another attempt on Lily Evans, or is that potions supplies?" Selena asked with a little sarcasm as lilies are never used in potions.

"With me as your father, I would hope you know the answer to that. Also, you overslept and your hair looks terrible, " Severus said, blushing.

"Although with my hair DNA, you're hopeless Leeny," he said, ruffling her hair.

"Ha ha ha" Selena said sarcastically. Her long black hair went to her waist and was indeed all over the place. She had her mom, Bellatrix Black-Snape's eyes and arrogant face, along with her curly hair. However, Selena was glad it wasn't overly curly like her mom's or greasy like her dad's. Her parents had divorced, and Severus kept trying to propose to Lily, his childhood crush and best friend. Unfortunately, she only viewed him as just that-a friend.

"All aboard the SS Sarcasm!" Anaya Dumbledore said brightly, as she burst in from upstairs. She was Selena's best friend and her dad was Headmaster of Hogwarts. She was also an extreme romantic and kept predicting the likelihood that Severus and Lily would end up together. She was at the Snapes' for the night.

"Yeah like you're all innocent," Selena said, keeping the sarcastic tone, while Severus just rolled his eyes. He knew the Snape family was viewed as snarky, but it was the Dumbledores who were, in his opinion, 'meddlesome fools'. Way too cheery.

"Off to the Hogwarts Express we go!" Anaya shouted as Severus Side-Along-Apparated the both of them.

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review please?


	2. The Hogwarts Express

At the Hogwarts Express, Selena and Anaya met Ruby Hagrid, a tall, awkward girl with an unnatural love for animals; Brenna Lestrange, Selena's step sister; Secilia Trelawney, a Seer with a mysterious aura; Regan Lupin, werewolf like her father; Natalia Tonks; metamorphmagus and Regan's twin, but for some reason no likenesses and a different surname; Vincent Riddle, a true charmer (and Anaya found herself liking him); and Perry Pettigrew, a rat-like girl with a scrunched-up face who seemed to take a dislike to all of them.

By the time they became acquainted with each of these, the conductor shouted,"Hogwarts ahoy!"

XxXxXxX

sorry its a short chap. adding the charcters will become helpful later. ;)


	3. The Sorting

At Hogwarts, they were ushered in by Professor McGonagall, head of Gryffindor.

"The Sorting shall now begin." she told them. "The hat will put you in the house it thinks is best for you. The four houses are Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, and Slytherin. You will join the matching table," and with that she walked to the teachers' table.

"Black, Stella!" she shouted, summoning the student in question to the Sorting Hat.

"Hufflepuff!" the hat shouted, and Stella ran to the Hufflepuff table.

"Dumbledore, Anaya!"

"Ravenclaw!"

"Hagrid, Ruby!"

"Hufflepuff!"

"Lestrange, Brenna!"

"Gryffindor!"

"Lupin, Regan!"

"Ravenclaw!"

"Pettigrew, Peruvia!"

"Slytherin!"

"Potter, Jenna!"

"Gryffindor!"

"Riddle, Vincent!"

"Slytherin!"

"Snape, Selena!"

"Ravenclaw!"

"Tonks, Natalia!"

"Ravenclaw!"

"Trelawney, Secilia!"

"Ravenclaw!"

There was a rush of chatter but Anaya hushed them, saying her dad was going to make a speech. Dumbledore made the nessary announcements and welcomed the first-years, then passed out schedules. At this, there was even more chatter.

"Bedtime!" he trilled after giving the students about 15 minutes of chatter, as it was about 9:45.


	4. The Trance

The next day, they were looking over their schedule. It went like this-

 **Ravenclaw Schedule**

 _Breakfast_

 _Potions_

 _DADA_

 _History of Magic_

 _Lunch_

 _Free Period/Study Hall_

 _Flying_

 _Herbology_

 _Charms_

 _Transfiguration_

 _Dinner/Achievements_

 _Astronomy_

"Wow, we're going to be busy! What's 'Achievements' for?" said a pale, blonde girl by the name of Lizbeth Lovegood. Anaya explained that it was where both students and teachers picked a person deserving honors and that person gets an award for 'Most Honorable'

All the classes proved to be typical except for one thing. Several students and teachers were in a trance, almost as though they had been Imperio-ed, but not quite.

Their behaviour struck Selena as odd. The weirdest part was, only she, Anaya, Regan, Natalia, and Lizbeth noticed all got together and made a plan to catch the Controller. When Regan discovered they all seemed to worship 'the Queen,' the next day Natalia was taken! To top it all off, there was a rumour 'the Queen' was looking for 'the King!' There were love letters all over the place, most aiming for Professor Snape!

As she had her dad's password, Selena went to the dungeons to ask her father a few questions. He was also in the trance! She frantically asked her friends for any sightings.

"As a matter of fact, yes. I saw Professor Trelawney holding a strange amulet, then her bewitching your dad. I suspect she did the same to Hagrid and Professor Flitwick." Lizbeth said as if it was common knowledge.

"Trelawney- the Controller? No way!" Selena shouted. Only Regan had a theory. Even Anaya was stumped.

"Its called the Seer's Hypnotics. Hence the name, its mainly Seers who catch it, seeing as Secilia caught it immediately. It has to be started by someone." she said, trying not to be biased. "But I dont think Trelawney did it."


	5. The Chamber, pt 1

Professor Severus Snape, Potions master and double agent, was worried. He had been teaching a remedial Potions lesson (as if it wasn't irritating enough) when a Patronus (incorporeal, so it was hard to tell who it was) said, "Chamber- ASAP! Operation Goblet is go!" Professor Snape was debating whether to trust the message, but then he recognized the voice. Sirius Black! Padfoot was a member of the order, and even though they were enemies in their school days, they [reluctantly] made up. He decided to trust it. After all, he _did_ mention the Goblet, and only Order members knew, right?

Wrong. Sirius was there, but so was- _wait, what?!_ -Ghost City members, who had made it successfully into the afterlife, which was _here!_ Ghosts swooped down, tickling them.

As they trekked further along, they found a blue light. Knowing this was the Goblet, they followed it. The ghosts, however, had other ideas and pulled them back. Though they were dead, they were fierce fighters, but the ex-enemies got through. The Goblet of Fire was spewing out names like crazy. Slightly intimidated, they took a U-turn the way the ghosts said to go.


	6. The Chamber, pt 2

"SNIVELUS! WAKE UP!"

Ugh. Two weeks in the Chamber of Secrets and five run-for-your-life episodes and Sirius Black _still_ hasn't dropped the nickname. Groaning in a just-got-up-but-still-half-asleep way, Severus Snape sat up and groggily asked, "What? M still tired"

"Something sparkly! Looks like a crown!"

A _crown?!_ Severus sat bolt upright. There hadn't been a need for a crown in thousands of years. Rumour has it the last Wizard Queen was killed and the ruins were brought to Transylvania, land of shadows.

The two men rushed to the site and found a crown of the highest caliber. Silvery blue with sapphires and the occasional garnet, it was so intracate Sirius started drooling. There was a riddle on a plaque.

 _"Enter, Stranger, come on down,_

 _You must choose, you must choose now,_

 _Choose a companion, choose them wise,_

 _You cannot stop until you find,_

 _The Last Queen, a true mystery!"_

After pondering the riddle for 10 minutes, Severus figured it out. He explained to Severus and the answer was unanimous. Lily.

They told their answer to the crown and suddenly Lily arrived, looking beautiful yet frazzled. Sirius told her about Severus' crush on her-blabbermouth- and then screamed "Snivelus and Lily, sitting in a tree, K,I,S,S,I,N,G!" Both Severus and Lily turned bright red and fidgeted in embarassment. Sirius was cackling like a maniac the whole time.

 **Suddenly, a portal opened.**

 **They stepped inside.**

 **Nothing could prepare them for what they saw.**

a/n-my favorite chapter so far! There is two different storylines happening, but they'll merge! (hopefully, but i cant think of any ideas)

You guys remember Selena and the gang? The climax is coming soon for them! Any guesses on who started the Trance? I already know mwahaha!

Trying to figure out how to start the next...

A new OC is coming! This one is me!

Review please? I need ideas!


	7. The Queen

"Eureka!"

That was Regan making the discovery of the year. Her idea was to check out the 'Maurauderling' map, exploring the areas that wouldn't fit on the regular map. Namely, the catacombs. She had a feeling it might have something to do with with the trance, and a Maurauder(ling)'s hunches were usually right.

After it was pinned down to one location, Selena, Regan, Anaya and Lizbeth set off for the catacombs. The walk was long, cold and damp, and barely able to fit them single-file. Selena and Regan were surprised Anaya, who was used to luxury and manors, didn't complain, yet Lizbeth (possibly clairvoyant?) wasn't surprised. Yet no amount of preparation could show them, even Lizbeth, the true culprit.

As they got closer, they heard voices. There was no mistaking the speakers. Both Regan and Anaya listened in disbelief at the ones they trusted plotting to destroy.

"Someone is eavesdropping. 4 people. Lupin, Lovegood, Snape, and Dumbledore." Peruvia Pettigrew! Regan flinched at her own naivete. She had been the one to insist on giving Peruvia a chance, despite the fact Peruvia had the IQ of a troll.

"What are you waiting for? Let them in!" said Vincent Riddle commandingly. Anaya looked ready to faint at the fact that her crush would betray everyone.

The door opened.

Vincent's wand was pointed at Anaya.

"Crucio!" he shouted.

Rising out from her hiding place, Lizbeth said with a force no one knew she could posess, "Since Pettigrew is completely brainless, and youre male, who is 'the Queen'? Tell me!"

A cloaked figure removed her hood. "I am." She was a brunette with curly hair, brilliant azure eyes, sparkling perfect skin, and lengthy ears _._ A nymph. "My name is Catnessa."


	8. Inside The Portal

A thousand people were all rallied in a high-fashion court. Trumpets fanfared loudly. All Severus, Lily and Sirius could do was look around in awe. Diamonds hung from the holographic ceiling. The walls were filled with antique yet perfect portraits of previous rulers. It was at this moment that the announcer presented Her Majesty, Catnessa the Beautiful.

To say she was beautiful was an understatement. She was the personification of lust, allure, and so much more. With thick, wavy auburn locks, and sparkling bright blue eyes, and exquisite wardrobe sense, she was simply irresistible. So much so that Sirius especially fell head over heels for her. However, she had her eye on someone else.

In a sweet, lilting voice she called, "There you are! I've been looking for you everywhere!" Severus and Lily were thunderstruck. They had just got there! How was she 'looking' for them? (Sirius was just too busy mooning over her to care)

Before there was any time to ponder,she grabbed them by the arms and pulled them to her private dining hall, sat them down, and instantly started preparing dinner. Catnessa prepared each of their favorite meals and wouldn't tell them how she knew. When serving the plates, she lightly kissed Severus on the cheek. Thinking it adorable when he blushed bright red, Catnessa only giggled flirtatiously. Sirus looked enraged, while Lily was taking a video of the whole thing and cheekily narrating.

Unnoticed until Severus heard one of Lily's narrations, Lily only shrugged and tried not to laugh in that all-right-I-was-caught way. She eventually gave in and started laughing and everyone glared.

Lily didn't look nervous until Sirius glared.

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a/n- this is one really weird fanfic... it basically has a love circle...


	9. United!

Selena witnessed Vincent throwing a potion towards the wall like a grenade. Not much later, she noted a portal forming and Anaya, Regan and Lizbeth were forced through. Selena was worried and jumped through the swirling window between worlds.

The first thing the four noticed was Catnessa, Severus, Sirius and Lily. All four of the teens were startled to see Catnessa obviously in love with Severus, yet Severus either ignorant or apathetic (save for the occasional blush), Sirius was busy staring at Catnessa absentmindedly, and Lily was trying to get Sirius's attention.

Anaya was watching with her eyes open wide as plates, Regan was yawning pointedly as she believed this too common to care, and somehow Lizbeth was calmly sketching the scene. Selena knew Severus was trying to conceal his fondness for Catnessa.

Their revelations were interrupted by Vincent evilly chuckling. Anaya was particularly vicious in her glare to him. When Catnessa noticed, she clutched Severus's arm protectively, most likely on instinct. Severus's stone-cold expressionless mask was enough to send Vincent into a panic. Vincent and Peruvia (who was hiding until then) were on their way back. The portal closed the second Peruvia and Vincent jumped through. Everyone else was locked in.


	10. Christmas

Catnessa was awoken by Severus gently shaking her shoulder. She groaned and was reminded it was Christmas. Sirius came in, jumping excitedly. Catnessa reluctantly got up and led everyone to the throne room, where all the presents were.

They opened their gifts along with Valencia and Graciella, Catnessa's sisters. Catnessa was the youngest of the three.

Catnessa got a kitten, a diamond necklace, and a sketchbook; Severus got a set of rare ingredients, a jar of pickled apples, and a song written by Catnessa; Sirius got a puppy plushie, a set of pranking supplies, and a camera; and Lily got a group photo, a Gryffindor bracelet, and a novel. Valencia and Graciella chose not to get any presents, saying they didn't celebrate the holidays.

Catnessa named her kitten Rose, and Rose was so adorable, everyone fell for her.

But little did they know, something terrible was about to happen..


	11. Battle of Lechuza Palace

A frightened scream punctured the peaceful, quiet night. A bystander grabbed her bejeweled phone and dialed.

"Hello?" A young, high-pitched voice said.

"Listen, Angel, I saw a whole pack of Erasers with wings flying toward the palace. I need your help. There are also three others in the palace. Can one of you protect them also?" Catnessa said hurriedly.

"Got it. We're on our way." Angel said.

Catnessa rushed inside to see Severus waiting for her. She insisted he evacuate, but he refused. Suddenly, the door was broken down by a bunch of human-wolf mutants, and they had this murderous glint in their bloodthirsty eyes. Catnessa instantly went into fighting mode, displaying ninja moves Severus didn't know were possible. Still, she was only one and there were around thirty of them. Just when all hope was lost, Nudge, Max, Total, Gazzy, Fang, Angel, Ella, and Dr. Martinez burst in. Lily and Sirius ran into the room. Each one fought as hard as they could, and when the Erasers were just too strong, Graciella came, Iggy helping her fly. She battled fiercely, and the Erasers were finally defeated.

However, they heard a scream of anger from the other room.

Everyone all inspected the source. They found Valencia plooting the death of Catnessa so she could get the crown. When she noticed she immediately tried to kill Catnessa. In a selfless act of bravery, Severus jumped in front of her. However, Valencia's aim was off, hitting a certain twelve-year-old stowaway- Selena.


	12. Karma Bites

"Nooo!" Severus cried out in agony as he saw the corpse of his daughter. Her face was too pale to be real, her obsidian eyes glazed over like glass, and her skin stone-cold.

When Catnessa got over the shock of her sister killing Selena, she punched Valencia and gave her a bloody nose. Everyone on her side backed her, except Severus of course, because he was mourning over Selena. When Valencia finally surrendered, everyone rushed over and shed a few tears over the loss of a good friend.

The only questions were- How did she get here? Was anyone else unknown here?

Catnessa pondered this as she comforted Severus. Little did they know, something terrible was about to happen...


End file.
